The Dr. T Loyalty Program

Dear [Insert Store Name here],

Thank you for your interest in signing me up for your loyalty program.  I am honoured.  It seems that I am very popular since a number of stores have now asked me to sign up for their loyalty programs.  In light of my rising popularity, I have decided to create a "Dr. T Loyalty Program".

Benefits of the Dr. T Loyalty Program include:

• Periodic emails to tell you how I am doing (usually one every other day; nothing too excessive).
• Special pre-notification of when I have money to spend.
• Notification of special offers made my partners and friends.
• A promise to purchase goods and services from you, provided that you meet all required conditions.  [Conditions include (a) you must have exactly what I want; (b) you must offer to sell exactly what I want at a price that I deem acceptable; (c) it must be a Tuesday; (d) it must be partly cloudy; and (e) I have the unconditional right to change my mind at any time.]

If you join the Dr. T Loyalty Program, you can expect:

• to receive dozens of emails from me every month, telling you about the minutia of my life.
• personalized emails from me when you engage in unethical conduct.
• emailed photos of my cats.
• no guarantee of anything useful.

I know, I know.  It sounds too good to be true.  But it IS true, and it is FREE.  That's right.  All you have to do is provide me with your CEO's name, home telephone number, and email address, plus details about executive compensation and price mark-ups on consumer goods and services.  Also, I will track everything you do as a company, including where you source your products, business supplies, services, etc.  I will also track your environmental impact and your level of community engagement.  This information will allow me to serve you better by helping me determine how I should respond to you (e.g., should I buy your products or send you a scathing email explaining why your ethics, or lack thereof, has cost you my business).


 Oh, and you will have to have your membership card on you at all times.

Thank you for your interest in me.  I look forward to exchanging emails with you in the future.

Best regards,

Dr. T

Hup Holland Hup!

Euro 2012 has begun!  If you cannot actually be in the host country of a major soccer tournament like the Euro Cup or the World Cup, then Toronto is definitely the next best place to be.  The reason is simple: TO is the most ethnically diverse city on this planet.  And this means that you can always find fans of whatever team is playing.

Today, Poland played Greece in the opening game.  The High Park neighbourhood and The Danforth were full of soccer fans, cheering and screaming, swearing and crying.  And after the game, the honking.  Many people put the flags of their countries (their other countries -- you know, the ones that aren't Canada) on their cars and other cars honk in response; it's sort of an audible high-five.  Two years ago, when the Dutch beat Brazil in the World Cup quarter-final game, a street party erupted on King Street East in front of Betty's, where a bunch of us Oranje were watching the game.

Where else in the world could such things happen without the events ultimately descending into violence?  This is just one of the many things that makes Toronto so amazing.

[Aside: perhaps I should have averted my readers to the fact that I am a loyal, and arguably snobby, Torontonian.  In other words, I firmly believe that Toronto is the Centre of the Universe and that every else in Canada can be referred to simply as the ROC (Rest of Canada).  The only thing that I do not adore about my city is our hockey team, the Maple Leafs.  And our current mayor, who is an embarrassment. However, I do cheer for the Leafs if they are playing Ottawa.  I will also defend our honour against Montrealers and their Habs, even if I secretly cheer for the Habs when they play the Leafs.  I never cheer for our current mayor.  Ever.]



Tomorrow, my team, Oranje -- the Dutch -- play their first game against Denmark.  I have procured a suitable amount of orange clothing and will be watching the game with other Oranje fans (aka Het Legioen) at School.  School is hosting a big ol' soccer party, complete with extra big screens and lots of Orange.  I apologise in advance to the residents of Liberty Village.

So, as the tournament begins, lest you wonder where my loyalties lie, I say this: HUP HOLLAND HUP!

Dr T's Confessions

This post is the first in what may become a series of posts called "Dr T's Confessions".  As a lawyer, I have advised myself about my rights under s.10(b) of the Charter, but also advised myself that those rights don't apply here as a result of s. 32(1) of the Charter.  So onto the good stuff.  The confessions.

Confession #1: When I don't feel like combing my hair but I have to go out in public, I wear a hat.
Confession #2: When I'm having a bad hair day, I just wear a hat.
Confession #3: Sometimes, I just like wearing hats.

And now a photo composition of these confessions.

My love affair/utilitarian use of hats began early.

I file this under confessions 1, 2, and 3...plus, the hat complemented the look.

It continued during my formal education...

This is considered formal education because I was on St. Hilda's College. 

...and it continued during my travels. 

This hat disguises my utter disgust for coconut milk.  Yeech.

Sometimes, the hat was an accoutrement for my lifestyle.

A cap is de rigeuer in a pick-up truck.

But sometimes the hat was just random.

Seriously, seriously random.

Some of the things I've done while wearing a hat...

Ski.

Run a sub-2hour half-marathon.

Pose...

...and then run.

Talk to moose.  The locals call me the Moose Whisperer.  But also sometimes the "crazy lady".

Drive trucks.  Big trucks.

Conquer mountains and pitons.

Baffle the locals.

Confuse and possibly frighten the locals.

Cuddle stray puppies...just not too close because of the mange and fleas.

Cuddle my beloved Rex.

Mess around with my buddy Rex.

Hang out with my beloved Rex.  See how he's smiling?  He likes my hat.

And finally, because I occasionally value human contact, cuddle with my wonderful nephew by Cameron Lake in the mountains.  Good times, good times.  And all while wearing a hat.