Alumni Updates

It's that time of the year again: reunions and alumni updates.   I am subjected to a regular stream of alumni magazines, and each magazine typically has an "Alumni" section that broadcasts all the great things that the alumni have done, created, and accomplished.  Here is a sample of a typical alumni update:

Jane Smith (9T2) was just named CEO of Big Money Corporation.  She recently published her third book, "Doing It All and Having Fun!"  She was delighted to have won various literary awards for her first two books, and critics are sure that she will "three-peat" with her latest insallation.  Jane is married to Mr. Handsome and they have three lovely children, a golden retriever, and a cat, who all get along.  In her spare time, Jane coaches a soccer team associated with a local orphanage.

Apparently everyone I went to school with is a pro-star.  And if they are not a pro-star, they find a way of sounding like one.  For example, being the subject of an episode of America's Most Wanted becomes "was the subject of a documentary about his exploits". 

If I could write my own alumni update creatively, this is what my former classmates would learn about my life:

Dr. Theresa Miedema has authored several award-winning publications since graduating.  After touring Europe with her band, she has finally settled down in Toronto.  She now teaches at a prestigious university while competing in marathons in her spare time.  While Dr. Miedema does not have any children, she recently adopted a monkey named BoBo and an elephant named Tethu.  The animals live in a sanctuary that Dr. Miedema has built for them in Kenya, where Dr. Miedema has re-invigorated the local economy by starting a green environmental tourism business, fully staffed by local villagers.

Of course, the reality is a bit different.

Dr. Theresa Miedema has written several annual Christmas letters to her family since graduating; her grandmother has the letters proudly displayed on her fridge.  Theresa also sort-of maintains a blog read by the same grandmother, a handful of friends, and one sibling.  Theresa did the usual backpacking through Europe trip after graduation.  She now teaches at some unreputable institution.  Theresa has no children, monkeys or elephants; however, she does have a whimsical pair of socks that have monkeys on them.  She has two cats.  She has never been to Africa and she would never start an environmental tourism company because she really does not like nature.  She  has run three marathons, but her foot is now in a state of permanent fracture, so a change of sports is in order.  One of her biggest recent accomplishments is not getting a speeding ticket in over 18 months.

You get the picture.  It probably explains why I haven't submitted any updates to any of my alumni magazines.  But if I did submit an update, I think I would summarize everything by writing this:

Theresa E. Miedema is content.